Barney:It was the night before New Years and the weather grew mean. Twas three in the morning and I was stranded in Queens! The tavern grew empty, the gaslights grew dim. The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in. Last call was approaching and my fortunes looked bleak, then I turned to my left and stifled a shriek! She had a peach fuzz beard and weighed 16 stone. She gobbled up hot wings..and swallowed the bones. I muffled a scream, and threw up in my mouth. I asked "Where do you live?" and she said "One block south". I swallowed my pride, and six shots of whiskey. And prayed to the Gods that she wasn't too frisky. Back in her cave, she prepared a snack. Beneath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack. But when she returned, she found a sound sleeper...and thus she became the Sexless Innkeeper and so are you

Ted: 'It was the night before this one, and hours to kill
I sat in the tavern, grading parchments with quill
A busty young lassie flashed me a grin
Her garb said "classy," but her eyes whispered "sin."
She said, "You're a teacher?" I said, "Yes, indeed!"
"I must have you!" she moaned, "I'm turned on by tweed!"
With haste we did scamper to my chamber anon,
We fell to the couch, and bro, it was on.
I unlaced her bodice, our passions grew deeper,
And thus ends the tale of The Sexless Innkeeper.

The Best Night Ever Lyrics:
It was the best night ever
Laughter raining down like April showers
Oh, we talked for hours
Best night ever.
Remember when Lily told to that story 'bout the DMV
They're not very efficient there, which is why it was funny                                                                                                                        Then we played charades
Lily made some créme brulée-lay-lay-lay-lay
And now that we're best couple-friends
There's only one thing
Left to say...
Are you free?
Are you free?
Are you free?
Are you free?
Are you free next Saturday?
(Spoken) That's the 17th.
Or basically any other day